a thirteen year conversation

[jsnlv]

Around 7th or 8th grade, I decided to keep a journal. It didn't take me long to figure out that writing with any regularity was pretty difficult, and just discussing day-to-day stuff didn't often give me a clear picture of what life was actually like right then. It was too easy to overlook the significance of commonplace events in favor of describing events that deviated from the everyday routine. After writing occasionally for a year, reading my earlier entries was already painful. Between my enthusiasm for earnesty and my appalling tendency to announce intentions which would never pan out, I was too busy cringing to read much of what I'd written. Journals are more beneficial to write in than to read.

I knew that I'd want records of what my life was like, though, and since I felt like memory alone wasn't really enough get the job done, I'd start writing letters to my future self. The object was to write them at regular intervals: often enough to avoid missing any major events in my life, but not so frequently that I fell into the traps of journal-writing. I decided the best possible interval was a three-month span of time. One season. That would mean I was writing quarterly: shoot for somewhere around New Year's, my birthday (March 29), the 4th of July, and my half-birthday (September 29).

What actually happened was that I only ever wrote one letter to myself. After that first one, I kept missing deadlines and forgetting about the project. I planned to start doing that again here on livejournal, but I can't remember whether I ever did, and I'm sure as hell not going through my old entries to find out. They're just as unreadable as my first journal.

That's the preamble. Over the last couple weeks, my parents have been trying to clean the house out of our accumulated junk. I've been helping by bringing things I might want to keep over to my apartment with Julie. I started by bringing my old debate file box, thinking it would be useful for archiving work documents and bank statements. I'd have to go through it first, of course, and in the middle of a stack of roleplaying character sheets and plans for a never-finished Neverwinter Nights module, I found that first letter. The note said I wasn't supposed to read it until September of 2011, but I figured 12 and a half years was long enough to wait.

To: Jason Love, September 19, 2011- (9-19-96)

I am 15 years in your past as I write this--when you read this, I will be over twice as old as I am now. I know a lot can happen in just 15 years, so I'm going to ask you some questions. I play Magic. Does it still exist? I hope so, but do you still play? You did 15 years ago. You were supposed to enter a Mirage sealed deck tournament--did you? How did you do? Currently available Magic expansions are Alliances, Ice Age, Homelands, Chronicles, and the edition is 4th. What about in your time? Say, will I ever get all of the Alliances cards? What will I do after that? Also you were just about to stop being "unobtrusive"--what happens? What are your thoughts on J. R. R. Tolkien (if you know what I'm talking about), and whatever happens? What about Boy Scouts: do you ever reach Eagle? Now, in 15 years, technology must be incredible--take the Russian space station Mir for example. What other such things will happen?

In fifteen years, I will be 29. By that time in her life, Mom was married to Dad and I had already been born. Are you married? Do you have children? How was the Student Council National Conference 13 years ago? One of my most important questions is this--are you still youthful? Not physically, but in your mind. What is your job? Who are your friends? Please tell me you've been in touch with Derek and Brian. I am about to start playing D&D, just like Dad. Was it fun? Or did you actually play? But what about other RPGs, and computer programming? I realize how much I've asked, so I think I'll stop writing now. Please think over what I've written and do not just through this away. I'm tempted to ask about extraterrestrials--never mind.

Jason Love

Since I took the time to ask, I might as well answer myself: Magic is still going pretty strong, even in the middle of our current recession. You'll pretty much lose interest in Magic when you get to college and realize the money you were spending on cards could be spent on videogames instead. In 2005 you'll be making enough money at Walmart that you decide to buy that ninja-themed preconstructed deck, which is the first shifting pebble in what will become an avalanche of card-acquisition over the next few years. You did in fact go to the Mirage prerelease, but you'll lose the book you bring along to read during downtime. As for the tournament standings, you didn't do too well--a tradition you'll maintain to this day. At least you have fun. As for what sets are currently available, you'll be able to look at Wikipedia to find out--about which, more later.

As far as your (heh) "unobtrusiveness" is concerned, no, you're never going to be "one of the most popular kids in school". Possibly because you insist on wording things like that with code-phrases like "stop being unobtrusive". While your more ridiculous affectations will necessarily brand you as an eccentric throughout your school career, you'll start going to church youth group meetings with your friend Dan. You don't ever really get good at socializing, but at least you'll get comfortable around enough different kinds of people that by the time you graduate, you have friendly acquaintances among all the cliques at high school, and enemies in none. Then you get to start the process all over again at the University of Kansas. (You won't know quite what to expect of college, and it will fulfill those expectations admirably.)

As for "J. R. R. Tolkien", well, you never do confess to Jill that you had a crush on her. You even go so far as to put an anonymous note in her locker, and then panic and tell her you think your friend Jared put a note in her locker. It's shameful, really--and then she'll move out of state, and you'll start crushing on somebody else. You'll eventually conclude that nothing good comes of dating crushes. It is entirely okay to have a crush on the girl you'll be dating in a bit more than a decade, though, because she really likes your awkwardness. You aren't married yet, but... well. Heh. I'd better not say anything more.

You'll get your Eagle award, but only because family and friends push you every step of the way. Troop 683 was great, though. Cherish those memories. The Student Council National Conference was pretty insignificant compared to the Tournament of Roses parade you'd be in thanks to marching band. Of COURSE you're still youthful--you'll describe it to familyjules as having "sufficient whimsy". You do get to see Derek and Brian (and your sister, Kelly) occasionally, but your interests and attitudes have diversified as you've gotten older, and you don't have as much in common. I expect that you'll be in more regular contact in a few years, once you guys begin conditioning to the burdens of adulthood and start into the business of turning middle-aged. You'll play D&D, and other RPGs, but they don't hold your interest like the potential of electronic gaming does.

Programming-wise, you'll have plenty of practice once you discover the internet and teach yourself HTML, and then in 2001 you'll start trying to program with Inform, but you actually haven't turned out to be much of a programmer. Modern web applications made all but the most fundamental markup skills unnecessary, and you haven't actually completed a programming project since your very first websites back in 1999.

Comments

[familyjules.livejournal.com]

That letter is the epitome of everything I just love about you, as much as I laughed at it. You would not be as desirable to me without that awkwardness and whimsy you exude with every movement.

[lpsmith.livejournal.com]

This is a cool post. In order to have something more to say than just 'yay' in this comment, I will recount a joke it reminded me of:

Kid: "I'm glad I don't like brussel sprouts. If I did, I'd have to eat them all the time. And I hate the things!"

[(Anonymous)]

As for "J. R. R. Tolkien", well, you never do confess to Jill that you had a crush on her. You even go so far as to put an anonymous note in her locker, and then panic and tell her you think your friend Jared put a note in her locker.

This explains a lot. In fact, this provides a basis for a complete re-evaluation of my interpretation of middle school social life. Okay, it's really only relevant to a small portion of middle school social life, since I did not speak to Jill very often.

My conclusion will probably be that she did not buy your explanation, since my handwriting has always been different enough from the norm to make it difficult to confuse with anyone else's. (This saved me once in elementary school, when some schmuck clumsily erased my name from the top of an exam and substituted his own, though he could have made a better case had he at least tried to imitate my writing.)

Still, she did seem unusually awkward around me for a little while (or else my retrospective has been sufficiently slanted by this new revelation that I am now letting confirmation bias do the work normally reserved for more critical analysis), and I did always wonder why she paid any attention to me at all. I seem to remember investing a lot more energy into math and chess competitions than into learning to deal with girls back then.


As for programming, learn Python. It's like combining Perl, Matlab, and the better parts of C, only it's easier to use than two of those three.

[jasonlove.livejournal.com]

Jared! Wow! Do you have my email address? It's a gmail address, username "jalove". What have you been up to?

Man, that note thing... I'm pretty certain that was 9th or 10th grade. I know it was high school, though, because I could never figure out where her locker was before then. Sorry for making what was an awkward time for all of us a little bit more confusing.

I've heard a lot of good things about Python! I should start reading up on it.